there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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