Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize