My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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