I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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