Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You smell like stripper and shame
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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