i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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