As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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