So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize