I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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