I can text with my tongue
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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