You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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