I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
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So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
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I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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