He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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