Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize