Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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