this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize