you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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