Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
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No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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