Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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