Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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