I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
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I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
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I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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