I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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