i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize