I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize