jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
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I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize