enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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