love makes seman taste better
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
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I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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