You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im part way to drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize