just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
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fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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