I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring money and cleavage
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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