it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
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pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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