i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
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Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
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I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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