my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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