Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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