what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
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Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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