U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize