In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
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If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
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I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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