I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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