The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
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she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
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After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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