all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
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They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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