Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
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hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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