please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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