he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
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I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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