Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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