im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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