So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
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Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
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Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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