Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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