so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
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He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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