U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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