yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
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We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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